The moment that you died
my heart was torn in two,
one side filled with heartache,
the other died with you.
I often lie awake at night,
when the world is fast asleep,
and take a walk down memory lane,
with tears upon my cheeks.
Remembering you is easy,
I do it everyday,
but missing you is heartache
that never goes away.
I hold you tightly within my heart
and there you will remain

A LITTLE UPDATE!!
It has now been a year and a half since we have lost our only son, our baby boy. I can honestly say that time heals pain, some pain, not all. It does honestly get easier. And when people ask or say "all girls?",  I say NO WE HAVE A BABY BOY IN HEAVEN. And all they can say is i'm so sorry and say how do you do it? We tell them it has gotten easier, and they just cant believe it, but it does!! I think the greatest thing for us was deciding right away to have another baby!! I miss Johnathan Xavier with all my heart and soul and so does his daddy!! Trust me, John and I would do anything in this world to bring that little boy back into this world!! We know we cant or we would have done that already, but we do so look forward to the day that we get to go to heaven and he with him forever. what a joyous day that will be!!
Until then, keep us in your thoughts and prayers always!!

This memorial website was created in the memory of our baby boy, JOHNATHAN XAVIER MARDEN who was born in Elkton, Maryland on October 31, 2005 at 00:53, our pumpkin baby born on HALLOWEEN, to his proud mommy and daddy, michelle and john, though he got his angel wings on February 02, 2006 . He was our 3rd born and our 1st son. That mother-son bond was the best! and his daddy loved him oh so much. Just 3 months and 2 days old, we're so glad we got to keep him for just that short while. He changed our lives forever, since the day he was born. Johnathan was the sweetest little boy it the world. He was loved by all that met him. He will be forever in our hearts and forever missed, but especially by his big sisters, kyleigh and brittany!!

SIDS TOOK OUR SON!!

THE MEANING OF MY NAME:
JOHNATHAN, GOD HAS GIVEN!!

*REMEMBERING*
Go ahead and mention my son, 
the one that died, you know.
Dont worry about hurting me further,
the depth of my pain doesnt show.
Dont worry about making me cry,
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing,
the tears that i try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
pretending he didnt exist.
I'd rather you mention my son,
knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how i was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something on going,
I know it will take a lifetime.


In Loving
Memory
Of My
Dear Son

Something will remind me
I never know just when,
It might be something someone says
And it all comes back again

The times we spent together
The happiness, the fun,
Once again I feel the pain
Of lfe without my Son

It's said that time's a healer
Im not sure this is true,
There's not a day goes by Son
That I don't cry for you

Why did you take him? I cry to God. He said, He wasn't yours to keep. But why him? Why did you have to choose him?” quietly I plea. I didn't choose him, I chose you” His answer boldly came. I don't understand” I replied. And He answered me once AGAIN; I needed a mother for an angel. Not just any person would do. I needed someone very special, and that's why I chose you. I needed someone with strength of heart, and courage beyond compare.
I needed someone I could rely on who wouldn't be afraid to care. A person that sees beyond the pain, and understands the hurt.To be a mother to an angel is the grandest of My work.
I saw in you, all these things. You were perfect for the job.I didn't know quite what to say, and all I could do was sob. Don't cry, My child, I know this is hard, but it is all a part of My plan.
I've been with you along the WAY; I've never stopped holding your hand.
'This job is tough and not meant to be easy, even now that My angel is home.
And you've made Me so proud to see how in faith and love you have grown.
I will always be near and you have a special place,
For becoming a mother to an angel of grace.
My heart became still, my mind was at peace; the answer had become clear.
I finally understood it all; the reason I was here.
Thank you, God, for seeing in me what I could not.
Your will is done and my service to You, will never stop.' And God said, 'I know

          

Through gods grace you were ours for a
 little while, now you live in everlasting light, forever gods precious little child.
You will live on in our hearts, our thoughts, and everything we do, and at the end of each day
we pray to god and thank him for the gift of you!!



ITS A GIRL, A BABY SISTER!!



OUR ANGEL JOHNATHAN HAS PICKED US OUT ANOTHER CHILD OF GODS FROM HEAVEN TO BLOOM HERE ON EARTH WITH US!! 

johnathan was more special to all of us than words can even say. i often wonder now if it was because he was an angel from the start. i think back about things now like my mom saying how comfortable she was with him as far as holding him and watching him. she was never this way with kyleigh. she was afraid of her when she was his age. and how close i felt to johnathan, i dont know if it was that mother-son bond or if he knew he needed to be so close to me because he was soon enough to leave me. johnathan was planned from the very start. it didnt take long for john and i to get pregnant. i think the first month we tried it didnt happen but the second month it did. i knew he was a boy from the very start. it was just different than with kyleigh. we went to our ultrasound and they were pretty convinced he was a boy too. but then again they told me that kyleigh was a boy. i never believed them. i knew she was a girl. my whole pregnancy with johnathan was perfectly normal. i was at work the night i went into labor. i went over to maternity around 10:30pm and he was born a little over 2 hours later at 12:53am. his daddy barely made it to the hospital. he was sleeping away. nanny had to go to our house and wake him up. after he was born mommy knew something was wrong with him. dr. khanjar didnt let daddy cut the cord. the nurses gave him to me but he whined the whole time i had him in my arms. so i said to the nurse. somethings wrong with him. and she said well hes not retracting or nasal flaring. i told them to take him to the nursery. thank god they did because the next thing i know they had an IV in him and they were shipping him to christiana care. oh mommy was so sad. i left the hospital a few hours after he did to go be with him. they told me once i got there that he would have to stay there for 1 whole week. oh god it almost killed me to have to leave him there each night. i cried each night i left there. we came to visit him each day. finally he got to come home!! we all adored him. he was our life. his sisters looked forward to him each and everyday. he was the best little boy. never cried unless he  was hungry. then the day came he left us 3 months later. and all of our hearts shattered into pieces and we'll never be able to put it all the way back together. theres a big piece missing and its HIM!! but i know i will see him again one day and that he'll always be watching over me, cause i'm his one and only mommy, the proudest mommy in the world, JOHNATHAN XAVIERS MOMMY!!








SUPPORT SIDS RESEARCH!!
http://www.infantandchildloss.org/

SIDS DOES MATTER!!

SIDS DOES HAPPEN!!

On the day God took you 
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide,
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious one.

The Cord
We are connected, my mother & I, by an invisible cord not seen by the eye. It's not like the cord that connects us at birth, this cord can't be seen by any on earth. This cord does its work right from the start, it binds us together, attached by the heart! I know that it's there, tho no one can see this invisible cord, from my mother to me. the strength of this cord, it's hard to describe, it can't be destroyed, it can't be denied. It's stronger than any cord man could create; it withstands the test, can hold any weight. And tho you are gone and you're not here with me, the cord is still there tho no one can see. It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore, but this cord is my lifeline as never before. I'm thankful that GOD connects us this way, A Mother & Child.....Death can't take it away!!





Lord, help me not to focus
On his death, but on his life.
All the moments that we had him
Not the struggles and the strife.
He was a gift and not a "right."
You owe us nothing, Lord.
We thank You for the joy he brought
This sweet little boy we adored.
--Elizabeth Dent





JOHNATHAN
J is for joy, that he brought to our lives.
O is for ocean, with his eyes as blue.
H is for heart, forever in ours.
N is for never, never ever to be forgotten.
A is for always, always loved and ever so missed.
T is for total, total love at first site.
H is for happy, a happy and smiling baby boy.
A is for apple, apple of mommy and daddy’s eye.
N is for nothing, nothing as sweet as he.
Johnathan Xavier Marden we love you and miss you so very much and we always will baby boy!!    Love, Mommy, Daddy, and sissys!!




We thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
and the day before that, too.
We think of you in silence,
and often speak your name.
All we have are memories,
and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we'll never part.
God has you in his keeping,
we have you in our hearts.







IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY
AND MEMORIES WERE A LANE
I WOULD WALK RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN
TO BRING YOU HOME AGAIN
NO FAREWELL WORDS WERE SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU WERE GONE BEFORE I KNEW IT
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY
MY HEART STILL ACHES WITH SADNESS
AND SECRET TEARS STILL FLOW
WHAT IT MEANT TO LOSE YOU
NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW"

JOHNATHAN YOU HOLD THE KEY TO MOMMY'S HEART ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!



Dear Mr Postman,
can you send a letter from me
I need it sent from up above to my earthly family
Please send it quick, my mummy's sad, I hate to see her cry
Every night she prays to God and sadly asks him why.
Please let it say, I could not stay, with an angel I had to go
I'm fine, I'm happy here with the other babies I know
I hope it reads to Daddy, I know you love me too
I miss you lots and all the things that we had planned to do.
Grandma, how I'll miss your hugs and kisses planned for me
I know how much you'll miss the growing child that I should be
Close it with I love you so, I'm with you in your heart
I never really left you see, I was an angel from the start.

  MISS YOU
A million times we'll miss you,
a million times we'll cry.
If loving could have saved you,
you never would have died.
In life we love you dearly,
In death we love you too.
In our hearts there is an empty place,
no one could fill but you.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
but you never went alone.
for part of us went with you,
the day god called you home.

Angel Pennies
I found a penny today 
Just laying on the ground, 
But it's not just a penny
This little coin I've found. 
Angels put them there 
That's what my Grandpa told me, 
He said Angels toss them down 
Oh, how I loved that story. 
He said when an Angel misses you 
They toss a penny down, 
Sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile out of your frown 
So don't pass by that penny
When you're feeling blue, 
It may be a penny from heaven 
That an Angel's tossed to you. 
Author: Unknown




He Was An Angels That Flew To  Earth ,
His Wings Disappeared At The Time Of Birth
One Look In His Eyes And I Was Never The Same
He's Part Of Me Now And That Part Has A Name
That Part Is My Heart And A Bond That Will Last Eternity
My Baby Is An Angel , That I Will Love  Forever

sending you sweet kisses always johnathan xavier, love mommy!!

**please feel free to light a candle for our son in his name and feel free to leave a message for us, they mean so much at this time!!**